- 9 Months ago
In-Laws Are A Pain??.... Not Really!
When you said ‘Yes' and got married to your spouse, you would not have realized that you were saying ‘Yes' to your in-laws also to be in your life. Actually, your in-laws come with the package.
It is good if you have a good relationship with your spouse but that doesn't mean you will automatically always have a good relationship with your in-laws too. Some may have a good relationship with their in laws but some relationships just will not work unless you really make an effort to improve them. Developing a good relationship with your in-laws is critical to overall harmony in your relationship.
Here are some helpful ways to improve the relationship with your in-laws:
*Realize that you cannot change your in-laws' behavior. You can only change your reaction to their behavior. Accept them as they are. Focus on what you can do to improve relationships, not on what you think others should be doing for you.
*If there is an argument between your spouse and your in-laws, you stay out of it. This is a problem between them and they will sort that out themselves. There are chances that you will put an even greater strain on your relationship with your in-laws if you choose to take sides.
*Let your spouse discuss any difficult subjects with his or her own family, as he/she is in charge of managing that relationship. But, let your partner know that you are there to sort out his/her feelings and that you will help him/her come out with strategies to deal with parents. This includes things like holiday plans, how to raise your children, etc.
*Try to discover your mother and father-in-law's likes and dislikes. Spend some quality time with them to understand them better and you may have some things in common. Order or cook a nice meal all on your own for them on special occasions like anniversary or birthdays. If they are away, call them home for lunch/dinner or make a phone call just to catch up. Just make them feel special.
*Respect your in-laws; after all they are your spouse's parents, whom you should treat like your own parents. Even if you cannot agree with your in-laws on any topic whatsoever, you can always respect their right to have their own opinions. Maintain open and honest communication. If something offensive is said by an in-law tactfully express how that comment made you feel.
*If you feel you are betraying your parents by getting more close to your in laws, you are wrong. You are not doing anybody wrong by loving both the families. This will only increase the bonding between the two families and improve the relationship you have with your spouse.
Ask your spouse for their advice. After all, who better to help you understand your in-laws than your spouse? You and your spouse can definitely have a wonderful relationship with each of your in- laws. In-law relationships can bring much joy and wisdom to your family if boundaries are established and everyone's feelings and viewpoints are understood and kept in mind.